Saturday, December 17, 2011

Celebrities I do NOT look like

Thanks to Stumbleupon, I came across some software that morphs your face into a celebrity…  Basically it just tells you who you look like…  But for me, it fails.
I’ve been told before by the staff of two different FYEs that I look like Emma Stone (Only pudgier, but everyone is always too nice to add that part).  And all of my friends think I look like Jennifer Stone (her Role as Harper in Wizards of Waverly Place really helped that one since I dress like a weird person as she does in the show).  And yet I dont really particularly agree with any of these…  And I tried out a couple different pictures too…  And here are my incredibly inaccurate results.

 Rachel McAdams

Right!  I wish!  If I looked like her, I wouldnt have half the problems I have with my life because I would simply get through everything by saying “Bitch, Im effing gorgeous, fuck off!”  I mean, look at that and then take a look at me....  No...

Keira Knightly

You have got to be kidding me!  Thats just as bad as comparing me to Rachel, and according to this I look more like her than Rachel.  Although Im not entirely sure how to take it...  Because my Australian International Student friend said she was the most repulsive being on the planet...  Personally I wonder about his sanity and think that maybe it had something to do with the fact that hes not really into women...  But I dont know...

Lindsay Lohan

Well, ive heard it before…  At least it compared me to pre-drug and alcohol abuse Lindsay, you know, back when she was actually really pretty…  Seriously, I watch Just My Luck and I want to cry because of how unfair it is that she looks absolutely flawless in that movie.  Oh, and she met McFly…  And had sex with Danny, which I dont particularly care about…  But she had sex with Danny!!  I mean, I really dont care, but its one of those things you find out about and your like “Whaaaa!!??” because at the time she was my favorite actress and hes in my favorite band.  But yes.  Lindsay.  Nooo…

William Moseley!????

Ha!  Well, it was decided back when the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe came out that I was going to marry Peter…  Who is, of course, Sir William here.  At least hes a good looking guy. Im being compared to a good looking guy...  If Im going to be compared to a guy, id rather he be good looking.  But my nose is much nicer than his.  And his lips are bigger than mine.  This is how I know he and I could not really be married as I have tiny lips…  Can you imagine if I were to kiss him?  His lips are just too big in comparison to my tiny lips...  Though for genetics sake, maybe that would mean our children would have normal sized lips…  But it would also mean they could have average noses…  I have to make a decision between populating the world with normal lipped individuals, or individuals with fabulously perfect noses.  I choose the nose, I think. Because one day, my perfect nosed offspring will find significant others with perfect noses and large lips, they will then reproduce to make perfect nosed-average lipped children who will find someone with a decent nose and perfect lips.  If all turns out well the children will inherit perfect noses and perfect lips...  And so on down the line until my blood line ends in utter perfection!  Or not...  Sorry Will, I know you’re absolutely heartbroken, but we can never reproduce...

 David Hasselhoff!!!!??????

Now, this is the most disturbing of them all although I have to admit that this is the funniest effing thing of the entire day!  For multiple reasons.

1. Its David Hasselhoff!  For reasons none of us know, he makes an appearance in a lot of media.  For example, we see him in Dodgeball being made into a deity by the team that I think was…  German, right?  We see him on the TV in Gnomeo and Juliet.  In the background of Scotty’s nightmare in Eurotrip.  Hell, he even showed up in the Spongebob Squarepants Movie!!  And something about him is just hilarious!!  I dont think anyone knows why this former Baywatch lifeguard is something worth being flung into movies randomly to add humor, but he is.

2.  Cassie and I were (are?) married.  I always told her she would marry David Hasselhoff (its a really long story that ended with me posting pictures of him all over her facebook wall).  This means, I was right, because this kinda counts.  I win.
But god I hope thats not accurate.  He kinda scares the bajeesus out of me to be honest….

Really, I dont know what to think of my life after that last one...

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