Saturday, December 31, 2011

Sally sells sea shells down by the sea shore

But why?  Its a question Ive wondered every time Ive heard this little tongue twister but never really voiced.

Why on earth would sally be selling sea shells down by the sea shore?  What a horrible place to set up a sea shell shop!  Especially considering that the sea shells probably came from that very sea shore...  But how old is Sally anyhow?  Is she a child?  Because if she is, her selling sea shells on the shore is a little more understandable as shes not yet old enough to understand business.  It would be like the time I set up a stand with my best friend across the street and tried to sell ice water for 25 cents to everyone who passed...  In the end, we each made a dollar...  From our parents...

But enough about me, were talking about Sally here.  What if shes a teenager?  Then shes obviously too dumb to know that if you're going to choose to sell sea shells, you should at least go somewhere away from the sea shore to do it, and if you must set up shop there (or even anywhere for that matter) you could at least do something cool with the sea shells, like make necklaces and bracelets...  Maybe paint little beach scenes on them for the tourists (assuming she lives in a touristy place).

Or maybe, maybe, Sally is a drug dealer.

Everyone knows that the sea shell selling business is just a cover up.  That the seemingly innocent sea shell business is at the center of a ruthless drug ring.  That the bodies found out on the ocean arent just tourists who washed out too far or got stuck in a rip tide.  Sally is actually the beautiful face of an evil scheme.  Shes sits patiently at her makeshift stand under a large umbrella, observing all who pass by, always aware that one of them may be there to bust her, any of them could be an undercover cop, sometimes her hand finds the cool gun hidden underneath the stand on top of a pile of drugs buried beneath the stand. She never wanted it this way.  In fact, her business all started with a legitimately innocent sea shell selling business started up when she was only a child when her uncle noticed that no one ever paid it any attention, he saw it as a brilliant opportunity to run an undercover drug ring.  He set her up with a hidden speed boat and a map to a light house which also serves as a safe house and if anything should go wrong, she knows where to go.

But one day, they will find Sally's lifeless body, her blood soaking the sand, spattered on the sea shells and the stand.  She had dumped the stash into the ocean and ended her own life.  Her harmless childhood business was never meant to bring her here and she knew she would never get out any other way.  She had seen it coming for years.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Spiritual animals

 Today, I found out that one person does not always necessarily have just one spiritual animal and that it is common for a person's spiritual animal to be an animal they fear.  In my case, owls and octopi.  And when looking things up about spiritual animals and such, I think those two might be mine...  How weird is that!? 

Im not totally happy about this, but I have always been the type to take my fears and make them part of my life...  Like when I was a kid, I was afraid of rats.  I think now it was largely based on the fact that rodents are the one thing in this world that terrify my mom and I knew.  Also, in Lady and the Tramp, the rat is pretty much one of the bad guys in it, everyone was freaking out over this big evil rat...  And so my lady and the Tramp movie, book, and audio tape had to be taken away from me as a child... 

Years later, I had a pet rat named Lady Judas (may she rest in peace).  I took that fear, and I made it a part of me by having a rat as a pet. 

Who knows, maybe Ill get an octopus one day...  I wont get an owl though because they eat mice and rats...  I wont feed mice and rats to an owl...  I have this thing about keeping animals that you have to feed live food to.  I dont hate people who do or anything, i just wouldnt.  Ive been told by my friend every time she feeds her snake that "Its nature" but really its not, the situation at least, while I appreciate that the animal will die if it doesnt eat, it isnt fair to the prey because they have no escape like they would in nature, they would at least have a chance in the real world, but stuck in a tank with the predator, theres no way to escape...

But, owls.  Yeah dude, they freak me out.  I mean look at this!!

Look at those evil things!!  I mean, you've got the one on the left swallowing a rat!  The one next to him looks like hes possessed and chanting some satanic shit.  Then you have the other two doing some creepy ass dance of fucking DOOM

I hate owls.  they scare the hell out of me.

And lets not forget their role in the movie "The Fourth Kind" which I might mention is based off of real events, and yes I do realize that a lot of movies say that and that "based off of true events" can easily mean that only one scene included in the movie is actually true and the rest of it was completely fabricated.  But apparently in the real case that the movie is based off of the victims kept mentioning that they kept seeing an owl outside their window.

What does this prove?  Owls are evil alien creatures sent to Earth to destroy us all!!!!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


I once saw a woman who looked a lot like Jareth the Goblin King!!!  Look!

 Yeah, this was about a year ago.  I was amazed, you guy really should have seen her in real life.  She looked just like Jareth...  Only...  Without the huge package floating around out there for all to see...  It was pretty fabulous, actually,,,,
I tell you, I see the coolest, weirdest, and most interesting people at air ports.  I love them...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Captain Tequila Chronicals

Ive been hearing mom's phone conversations.  According to her friends, he looks like he was attacked by a grizzly bear.  And the black eye is apparently the result of a broken nose...  I broke his nose, you guys...

Captain Tequila Returns

He came by with a cop to get some clothes for work.  Apparently he not allowed to speak to us either.  I snuck a look at his face.  Not only did I scratch the shit out of his face, I also gave him a black eye.  I felt a little remorse, I may have just did a real number on his whole life and not just his face.  But to a man who bit my mother's nose?  I have to remind myself that he got what he deserved.

Mom is afraid to go to work tomorrow, shes afraid to leave me alone in the house so she's working on finding a way to relocate me for the night...  We'll see how that works out...

On God's finger

A while back, I found some old pictures from high school.  I remember this day very well.  We took a ton of pictures thinking that we were going to edit them and make it look like we were flying.  The original editing was to just take the paint brush in MS Paint and white everything out but the people and the hand.

A lot of the pictures were useless and didnt work as well as others.  These were the best two.  i edited them in MS Paint and Picnik.  I dont remember where the background pictures specifically came from, just a Google search for clouds...

The long haired one is me, the girl in the vest is my Sammi, and the guy is Greg :)

The one of Greg and I is my favorite.  Look how thin I was!!  And I thought I was fat then...

Deedee goe to the... Uhhh... Dentist!

I havent slept well since my battle with Captain Tequila.  I woke up the past couple nights convinced that I smell a fire, convinced that hes going to just come by and burn the house down while mom and I sleep.  But I seriously doubt its that serious and he wouldnt do something like that, at least I dont believe so.  I've also grown paranoid that every noise I hear is him coming to kill us.  Again, a huge part of me doesnt believe he would, hes not even allowed to step foot on the property, but I guess the other night shook me up more than I care to admit.

Anyway, I lost sleep, thats the point I was getting at.  So when I woke up early this morning to have my teeth cleaned  by the dentist, I hardly even knew what was happening to me.  Just by looking at all the tools and the little tray next to me when it was all over with, you would have thought Id gone to the hospital with a cut artery from all the blood...  I might have been just a tad overdue for a cleaning...  You know, maybe...  just a bit...

It all felt like a weird dream, almost like when I got my wisdom teeth removed and was falling backwards into a black pit, hearing slow-mo beeping noises and couldnt see anything but the two florescent lights above me.  Except I wasnt on laughing gas at all and there was no dental assistant asking me if my eyes were blue...  To which I did not respond "Oh my God!?  I have eyes!??" this time...

But I do know it wasnt a dream.  and why is this?  Because I am currently about to devour a Totino's Party Pizza in an attempt to rid myself of the tastes of a Dentist visit...  You know, Mint...  Latex...  Blood...  Yum!

But at least my teeth a nice and clean now :)

Monday, December 26, 2011

Had my first kiss at 20, now Adele stalks me!

Well, Someone Like You does anyway.  And as much as people say "It stalks everyone" let me just say, you dont understand.

Over the summer, STEPS got together and did John Lennon and Me for our summer show.

Now before I go any further, STEPS is a sort of community theatre group in my home town originally started two years ago when a friend of mine wrote a play and got a group of friends together to perform it, and thus STEPS was born.  STEPS stands for "Stuff Too Edgy to Perform in School" as our first show was called Goliath and was about a boy named David struggling between his religion and his sexuality.  In a town which has six churches within four blocks of eachother, you can bet it was a HUGE scandalous, blasphemous thing in the eyes of a lot of the town residents.

Anyway, back to John Lennon and Me.  I was the star of the show.  It was fabulous...  Except that I had to kiss my best guy friend...  And maybe that might not have been a huge deal...  Except...  As awkward as it is to admit...  That was my first kiss.  So there I was having to give that up for the good of the show.  I guess its not such a big deal looking back on it now, but at the time I was trying everything to get out of it because I would be damned if I was giving up my first kiss to Josh.  The funny thing is, Id known long ago that my first kiss would probably be staged.  And I was absolutely right.  Josh didnt know why i made such a big deal about it until after the fact, but I honestly dont know how he imagined I could have kissed anybody before, Im a closet germaphobe and every situation Im in becomes awkward in my mind, especially personal ones.  This is why I will probably die a virgin.

ANYWAY.  It took him no less that at least thirteen tries to get me to cooperate when he had to spin me around and kiss me, or at least let him put his lips on mine.  He got my nose, my eye, my chin, forehead, everywhere but my mouth the first few times.  Oh, and lets not forget to mention that everyone decided to inflict this torture upon me on my birthday!  My 20th birthday...

So in the background of our big kiss scene, our friend Greg played piano.  He chose "Someone Like you" by Adele.  Neither Josh or I knew it was actually a song, we thought it was something he'd made up.

About a month later I heard it on the radio for the first time.  I hear it at least every other day now if not every day...

Im not a fan of Adele's voice for some reason.  love her lyrics, but something about her voice just bothers me...  I have no idea why...

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Star Girl!

This is what I would look like if I were a super hero.  Star Girl!

Technically Im the side kick of "The Crush" but he and I havent teamed up in a little over two years now...
So Im breaking out as a super hero!  Watch out world!  here comes Star Girl!!

Star Girl vs. Captain Tequila

I'll be doing my best to post only positive things on this blog.  But this story must be told.

My grades havent been great in school, this is due to my inability to get to class by my own means.  Thats not the best excuse, I know this, which is why Im taking this semester off to get everything I need straightened out, I wanted to do this over the fall bu mom and Omer hounded me that I couldnt do that.  Anyway, Omer has been pissed off about this.  He sat me down, told me if I didnt start doing better Ill be cut off.  Okay.  End of it, right?  No.  Because Omer doesnt know how to let things go, instead he chooses to grump around the house and act like an irate twelve year old.

Today he went to watch the game at the bar and got drunk in the process.  By lunch time, he was trashed when mom and I went to have lunch with him.  It was all okay until he pissed mom off and they got into it.  He got angry that mom had taken me to get my eyebrows done and I didnt deserve anything from her, he said.

He went back to his seat, I looked across the bar and said "Merry christmas Omer." then stormed out toward the car.  By all means, there was so much Id wanted to say but settled with a positive "Merry Christmas."

I was half way to the car when Omer came out after me screaming at me from across the parking lot.  I tried to ignore it but he was persistent about it and was very quickly up in my face doing that little lunging angry dance thing all up in my face screaming at me.  So what did I do?  I stood my ground, I told him like it was and defended myself.

He told me I was a fat, worthless, waste of a human being, I should just go crawl in a hole and die somewhere and make everyone else's life better because all Ive done my whole life is ruin my mother's life.

For a moment I believed him.  I threw my calzone at him.  It missed him.  Barely.

Meanwhile back in the bar, mom had just asked for the check just before I stormed out.  A couple minutes later the guy who had been sitting next to us said to mom, "I dont know if you know this, but that guy followed her out there, I just walked out there and hes in her face screaming at your daughter in the street."

Mom came out as soon as she could and after some struggling, she got him out of my face and shoved me toward the car but not before he got in her car and took her garage door opener.  We came home, I was an expert at getting into the house as I had been accidentally locked out thousands of times, when i discovered the back window I usually used was locked, I just used the dog door (obviously I wasnt too fat to get through a medium sized dog door).  We sat in the living room for a couple of hours a I tried to tell mom I no longer felt safe in the house and i wanted to leave but she was so sure it would be alright.

I was cleaning in the kitchen when I heard the garage door open.  I decided it would be best if I just went up to my room.  I kept the light turned off and for some reason, at the last minute, I decided to lock my door, just in case he came in to yell at me or something.  He said something to mom on his way up the stairs, we have a loft in the house, heres a picture.
Thats a pretty crappy picture...  But it works.  Where was I?  Oh yeah!  Behind my locked bedroom door, laying on my bed when I heard him try to twist the knob.  I got up and walked over to the door quietly and in the dark I silently dared him to try and get in, I was ready for him to bust that door down, after what had happened earlier, I was ready to tear his face off.  He only tried to twist it once before going down stairs.  Mom asked were he was going, he snapped at her telling her hed gotten a hotel and expected her to be out tomorrow (which is now today, Christmas).  Mom said he cant kick her out that way and if he were to officially evict her she would have about a month to get out.  I heard him say, "Fine, but your worthless daughter dont live here, i want her out." mom said she was tired of him making me feel like shit and asked how he would feel if she did the same to Jordyn.  From upstairs all I heard was my mom screaming, what happened was he picked her up, and nose to nose with her he said "What you dont seem to understand is Ill fucking kill you." then bit her nose, not just a nibble, he clamped down on my mothers nose, threw her on the couch and came up after me.

After hearing my mother scream downstairs I had emerged from my room, sneaking out onto the loft wondering what to do or if my mother needed help.  I was ready to run downstairs and jump on him were I to look over the half wall and see him on top of her.  I had no time to make a decision though because at that point he was coming up the stairs at me.  I stood my ground.

He got in my face, "Get the fuck out of my house."
I looked at him and shook my head.  What else could I do?  He was drunk and unreasonable.

I dont know exactly what happened in the following moments, I cant remember them clearly, in trying to remember, I think he said something like "You'll get the fuck out right now." and the he lunged at me.

Time stood still just here, like in the beginning of the 2009 Sherlock Holmes movie.  I had all the time in the world and none at all.  I could let him hit me, and call the cops for it.  Or, I could defend myself and risk having the adult and owner of the house's opinion taken into consideration over my story.  Mommy wasnt up there to help me, I was going to fend for myself.

I threw up my arms to protect myself.  He grabbed ahold of me, I lunged toward the computer in hopes that this would make him unable to throw me down the stairs (which I had initially been afraid he would do, and he could have very easily from there).  The next thing I knew, I was pinned up by the computer desk as his arm crushed down on my wind pipe.  I clawed at his face like a crazy person and then remembered my uncle telling me once that if someone were to attack me to "dig your thumbs in the mother fucker's eye sockets" I believe was his wording at the time.  And so I did, but I didnt dig in too much because once my thumbs found his eyes, he let go.  All of this happened in the short amount of time it took my mom to get up off the couch where hed thrown her across the room and bolt up the stairs.

He got to his feet and said to my mom "look what your bitch daughter did to my face!"

There was blood everywhere.  It wasnt mine.  None of it belonged to me.

I dont know if the large gash on his face happened before or after he pinned me, but I knew Id done it and was surprised I had.  My nail had broken off.  He looked at me, laughed like a mad man and said "Your ass is going to jail for this."

He dialed up the cops while whipping up fake tears. "My girl friend and her suicidal daughter just attacked me in my own home.  They were waiting for me when I got in he door...  Yes, the cops have been here before for the daughter, she was taken off to the hospital for a suicide attempt...  (((Ill tell that story another time))) Theyre standing side by side waiting to attack me again, please hurry!"

Mom laughed, we were on either side of him she told me to come down stairs with her and get away from him.

"Theyre trying to escape!" he said, "The car is in the garage...  No there are no weapons but there are knives downstairs in the kitchen where theyre trying to go." It went on like that.  I waited calmly on the couch for the police as Omer smiled smugly down at me from the loft.  He immediately went outside when the cops came.

The first cop who talked to mom and I wasnt too thrilled at first to be there, why would he be? "Would you like to explain to me why the cops have been called here on Christmas Eve?"  he didnt seem like an ass to me though, he didnt know the situation yet and for all he knew we were dangerous crazy people.

He sat us down, took our IDs and asked what happened, I kept my mouth shut and let mom talk.  To this one.  He seemed more understanding at this point, even managed to be friendly, when I went up for my ID, he said "Well dont bring a gun down with you or anything." but with a smile, he obviously didnt think i would harm him.

Another officer came in and we repeated the story.  He went outside but both officers said they would be back in.  After about ten minutes a third officer came in while mom was out smoking, he said to me "Im bringing in this cell phone and garage door opener, technically you would be responsible for looking after them so dont let anything happen to them...  I dont know what would happen but, you know."  I said "Okay..?" he set the two things down on the end table by the couch and said "Jail just isnt a good place to have these things, you see."

Omer had been hauled off to jail, initially for getting snippy with the cops and eventually saying "Fine, just throw me in jail then!" like a total Jersey Boy douche.  Also his story was ridiculously twisted and the cops could easily see that he was lying.  The first cop came back and informed us that we had been deemed victims in the situation and had certain rights which we could choose to waive but we all decided that there was no harm in actually hearing them.  Mom and I sat down at the kitchen table to write out our statements as the older cop came in with Omer's phone laughing "This guy really is a piece of work, he claims he recorded it all on this phone but theres nothing on here."

Uh, how would he be recording himself trying to crush my wind pipe?  I mean, I got out without any noticable mark, but Ive never bruised very easily anyway.

Would he have killed me if I hadnt tried to dig my thumbs in his eyes?  I dont know.  Id like to think not but after seeing my mom's purple and red nose, I just cant be sure anymore.  What I know is mom is Rudolph for Christmas and Jordyn's dad is in prison on Christmas.

You know, back when i was thrown in the hospital after a police visit, I came home and was told it was selfish of me to do that because Omer could get his visitation rights taken away from him.  Something tells me he wont be allowed to see Jordyn for a while after this.  Which he kinda deserves really, but its not fair to Jordyn...

I feel awful that mom has to find a new place to live and that Jordyn cant see her dad on Christmas.  But I have no remorse for him anymore.  He can be like every other man that has walked into my mom's life, says he cares about us both but then has a drastic bi-polar swing and ends up hitting her, me, or both of us.

People wondered why I couldnt live with mom and Omer.  World War III is no place for me to be.

On that note.
Positive posts now!!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

A piece of my childhood

Because I have nothing better to do right now, Im making a post dedicated to game music which is currently stuck in my head all thanks to Abby.  She posted dubstep remixes of Zelda songs on my facebook today and theres been no going back ever since. 

Click Clock Woods (Winter)

This song will pop in my head at the most random times!  I can be doing the dishes or whatever and there it is!!  Ever since I was a kid, I would tap my pencil to this beat a lot.  I loved this game, it was and still is pretty amazing as most of the Nintendo 64 games were...  Are...  I still prefer my Nintendo 64 to any other gaming platform even though I've, sadly, lost most of my games over the years.  But i found an old copy of Banjo-Kazooie at a flea market and was pretty pleased.  In the spirit of Christmas I posted the winter version ;)

Zelda; Ocarina of Time
Epona's Song

This one I used to hum all the time, especially when dressed in my super awesome Malon costume grandma made for me at the peak of my childhood obsession with Zelda.  What am I talking about, childhood obsession, OOC is still one of my favorite video games of all time!  I thought that it was cool that her name was close to my last name when I was a kid, in fact, I thought her name was my last name as I overlooked the one letter difference.  Gorgeous music in this game, really!

Final Fantasy VII
Aeris's Theme

This one holds a very special place in my heart.  My favorite babysitter discovered quickly that if she were to sit me down next to her, I would happily watch her play video games.  Final Fantasy VII is the only one I completely remember, and Aeris was my favorite character.  I decided for some reason her name should be Frankie.  (SPOILER ALERT! IF YOU HAVENT PLAYED THE GAME, STOP READING!) )When "Frankie" did in the plot line, I was so upset about it that Debbie (my baby sitter) got me a little stuffed dog which I named Frankie in her honor.  Frankie became my favorite stuffed animal, even surpassing Roadkill Kitty, but that is a story Ill save for another time.  This song is one that Debbie used to play on her piano to get me to take a nap. 

Donkey Kong 64
DK Rap Intro

There was a time when I knew the entire rap.  This intro is one of the few game intros that I almost never skipped.  Tiny was, of course, my favorite...  I wished I could fly using my pigtails too...  I used to imagine that I could...  haha!

Yeah, thats pretty much it for now, I cant think of any others right now..  Well, that was a fun walk down memory lane ;)

Friday, December 23, 2011

Red is the color of lust...

And I am absolutely lusting after this camera!!  The Nikon Red D3100.  I mean, its not just because its red, even though I think thats pretty awesome, after playing around with it at Best Buy today, im pretty in love with how easy it is to work with, and maybe thats because im used to Cassie's Cannon Rebel... 

I realize I could get this same camera in black...  But that color red is just...  UNF!  And the controls of the camera itself.  Its perfect for me!  That camera and I are absolutely destined for eachother!  I was meant to photograph the world with that camera, it was meant to hang from my neck as I traveled everywhere from the grocery store to...  I dunno, London...  Maybe Ill find a way to London one day?  And when that day comes, my camera will be there with me.  Seriously people, this camera would become the love of my life.  That sounds materialistic, I guess, really Im not that bad.  Honestly its only a little more expensive that the cheapest DSLR Nikon at Best Buy...  I think...  Its only somewhere in the neighborhood of $640...  I think...  I rounded up to $700 when I made a mental note of how much I needed to save up for it...  It will probably be cheaper by the time I actually saved up for it.

I tell you, I will own it one day.  When i held that camera in my hands, I felt a weird sense of fate.  A sense I've had before when chosing which rat I wanted at the pet store and when I saw my cat Sookie sitting in Leisa's grandpa's back yard a feral kitten which would be mine to tame only a couple weeks later.  Its one of those things you just know is meant to be.  For this reason, Im glad mom didnt get me a camera at the beginning of the semester, this camera will make it worth the wait. 

You will belong to me one day you sexy red DSLR!  Im already working out a name for you!

Mom's floury snowman cookies

Mom and I made melted snowman cookies today.  Although the sugar cookies underneath all that icing are kinda...  Plain and floury tasting...  They still look cute dammit!!

Also, the icing is made with meringue powder.  Now let me tell you how long it took us to find meringue powder...  Or not.  But I will say we searched every grocery store in town before I thought that maybe Michael's was a good idea.  And apparently it was because we found it.  The lady in front of us in line told us shed had to order it online and now she was kinda upset she hadnt thought to try looking for it there.

Brownie points to me!  And on that note, I'll go have a Nutella brownie...  Except, mom made them...  Something about her baking just doesnt seem right.  Personally, I blame her blender, I mix everything with a big spoon myself and it always comes out great...  But how to find the heart to tell mom that?

I dont think I will.  I'll let her believe shes awesome, she deserves it :)

Monday, December 19, 2011

I just realized just how difficult I was as a child

Omer was quizing Jordyn (who is 12) on her social studies stuff for her test tomorrow then agreed she was allowed to take a break.  Jokingly I asked, "What state is Washington DC in?

Most people tend to say Washington, Jordyn was no exception.  Omer flipped.  It was kind of unfair and told her if she gets one C on anything she cant do dance.

This was something unnecissary and kind of alien to me.  Sure, as a child I was threatened to have things taken from me all the time, but it only happened once.

At that time my mother learned that taking things from me was no longer the answer.  I quickly learned that this gave me a way to make my mother's life even more difficult.  Eventually, she would run out of things to take away and had to resort to lengthening my sentence of solitude in the confinement of my room.  I had nothing left to lose.  And just to spite her, I would stop doing all of my homework.  I would purposely answer every question wrong on multiple choice tests (which, I must say, does take some talent to answer EVERY question wrong).  I would keep my room as messy as I wanted, she would check in on me and find me lying on a pile of clothes, all of them clean but lying all over the place because I had decided to try them all on and didnt feel like cleaning them up.  I pretty much did as I pleased because there was nothing more she could do to punish me.  Of course she could give me a good swat on the bum, but I had learned that it only hurt for a few moments and was better.

There even came a time when I ignored my sentence, I defied her and she would find me lounging about on the couch.  She then tried locking me in my room.  She forgot about the window which I climbed out of. Actually, it turned out she didnt lock my window because it was a fire hazard.  She couldnt win.  And after fighting with me for about a month, she gave up.

Okay, maybe I didnt just realize how difficult I was...  But...

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Tiny Zoo

Today I attended the "Zoo Lights" at the Phoenix zoo.  Another one of mother's ideas of a "family outing" with Omer (her boyfriend) and Jordyn (his twelve year old daughter).

There were no animals to bee seen except for the ducks in the pond.  While the lights were pretty, it just wasnt the same.  I saw no giraffes and this made me sad.  The Cincinnati zoo was better.

Cincinnati Zoo Giraffe                                                    Phoenix Zoo Giraffe

Although Cincinnati was also freezing cold.  Arizona was very warm.  But mother has adapted to desert dwelling and thinks that 78 degrees is cold and thinks that I need to be bundled up like Ralphie's brother in A Christmas Story.

She forced me to wear a jacket though I rejected the gloves and scarf she offered me.

Upon getting there I whipped the jacket off with the intention of enjoying my evening in the lovely night air.  But mother freaked out that I was going to catch a cold.  I wore it, but I was not happy about it.  This was shorts and tank top weather to someone like me, an Ohioan from the place where it actually gets really cold and snows.

She must have forgotten her roots in Ohio, she must have forgotten how much colder it is there.

But as soon as shes gone from work tomorrow, I swear I will take off my pants and lounge about in my underwear with the heat turned off and every window in the house open.

And she cant stop me!

Deedee's Airport Adventure Part 3

My second flight was possibly the most comfortable four hour flight of my life...  Yes.  I spent an unnecessary six hours in the air yesterday and about five hours in the place which it has now been confirmed was, in fact, Minnesota.

I was put on a large plane in the back where only five of us sat spread out throughout the third section of the plane and I had three seats all to myself.  I had the option of a window, a tray, or laying across three seats.  I took the last option.

It was a pretty peaceful flight, except that the girl behind me was singing to herself the whole way and somehow causing suspicious beeping noises.  I became convinced that she was a terrorist.

When I got off the plane, I immediately called April to let her know a couple of things.

April: (groggily) "Hello?"
Me: "I landed."
April: "I figured."
Me: "Im upset."
April: "Why?"
Me: "Theres a Cinnibon here and I have no money."
April: "....  So you call me at one in the morning to inform me that your upset over a cinnamon roll?"
Me: "Yeah, pretty much."
April: "Okay, well Im going back to bed then, unless you have something else to tell me."
Me: "I love you."
April: "Okay, goodnight."
Me: "Lynnie!"
April: "What?"
Me: "I love you."
April: "Okay."

At this point everyone I passed was looking at me because I was now yelling into my phone.

April: "What!?"

April sighed on the other side of the phone knowing that I wasnt about to give up now that it was a game in my mind and I was going to win one way or another.  She grumpled, "I love you too." and as I was completely satisfied by this, I allowed her to go back to bed.

Deedee's Airport Adventure Part 2

Currently, as I write this blog post, I have no internet. Why? Because US Airlines are cheap bastards who do not offer free wifi, or any wifi at all, to my knowledge. I guess thats just Southwest or whatever. Here in what I think is the state of Minnesota, it is only a little past seven... My flight left at 5:15. Because Im stupid and ended up at the wrong gate to Phoenix. The only real problem with this was that it was a US Airline flight and not Delta, otherwise, the nice people at the gat could have jumped on their computers and switched me over if I asked really nicely. But the US Airline people were middle aged irate women... Probably just grumpy from going through menopause... Or dealing with a rogue bear in the cabin of their last flight... This seems more plausible to me due to how irritated they seemed to be by my very existence... Than again, they could have been tired and grumpy from working a possible thirty hour shift to Barcelona and back or something like that... I like the bear idea better... But, you know...

Anyway, they very grumpily told me I was at the wrong gate and that I should go jump on my plane. The only problem? My flight had left ten minutes earlier at gate B 2. You can understand the honest mistake made that I had misread my ticket to be E 2 which happened to also be a flight to Phoenix and left only ten minutes later than my ticket said, I just figured there was a delay and didnt even notice the airline difference. Ive flown on them all and so they all blur together for me and it wouldnt be the first time Ive had to switch air lines at a connection. But these ladies, they didnt understand that im not a complete idiot. They saw me as an obnoxious pest who was too far away from home and lost in a large air port. I mean, this place has a mall! Well, what I would consider a small mall... I found it in my search for food, which I'll talk about later.

In my defense, the tram was a little confusing at first. I rode it back and forth a couple of times to find my gate because I hadnt been aware the first time that we had reached the end of the line, it then went all the way straight back to the beginning of the route and I had to wait for the end again. I blame the tram for my being lost to begin with. And when I finally found the gate that said “Phoenix” in big red, dotty letters, I was relieved and sat down to wait for my flight time to come around and wrote the last blog post.

This is where we get to the lovely irritated women who looked as though theyd just fought off a large bear. I asked ever so politely (and I mean it, strangers always think Im absolutely adorable... Its probably the soft, sweet way that I talk to strangers. Especially important people who I want to help me switch my flight.), anyway, I asked them “Where would I go to fix this?”

The lady looked at me, I think she rolled her eyes and said “You need to find someone in Delta.”

I looked at her with my best confused puppy look and said “Well, where would I go to do that?”

She looked at me like I had six heads! She inhaled sharply and repeated, “You need to find someone in Delta.”

“Yes,” I said, managing to keep my polite tone although she was beginning to irritate me with her attitude, “But where would I go to do that?”

I couldnt understand why she seemed so irritated when I asked this question, I thought it perfectly logical, as a misguided lost person in an air port, to ask where I would go to find someone from Delta who could help me. But this lady, she looked like she was about to tear my head off. Im pretty sure that if I were flying on her air line, she wouldnt have treated me the way she did, she would have put on a plastic Barbie smile and directed me to a help source. But I was from Delta, she didnt care about me and she was irritated that I was requesting that she point me in the right direction of where I can go.

The other lady, who looked just as exhausted and irritated shoved her over to one side and mustering up all she had in her to look as though she had not just fought off a raging flight cabin bear told me that the closest Delta terminal was in C and if I could convince them, they may be able to switch me to the last US Airline flight out to Phoenix.

So I took the tram back to C and scoped out someone who looked helpful. I saw my fair share of grumpy looking gate attendants before finally giving up and walking back to the beginning of the C section of the air port to ask the person at the first gate. And thats when I saw Ed standing at gate C-4.

Ed would soon become the hero of this story. He was wearing a red jacket which said to me that he must be someone important in a world full of navy blue jacket wearing people. I walked up and in my sweet voice I told you about, I said “Im sorry to bother you, sir, but do you have a minute, I've gotten myself all mixed up and I need some help.” I managed to sound english somehow. It was completely unintentional.

Ed smiled and said “Of course, what can I help you with miss?”

Well,” I thought up my story as I went twisting small details in hopes that he would be more likely to sympathize, “You see, I flew in and when I got here I looked at the screen for my gate number, I must have read the wrong line or something because I wound up at a phoenix gate but it wasnt my gate and I didnt know this until it was too late.”

Ed made a thinking face for a moment and said “Well, you know what? Theres one more flight leaving out of here for Phoenix tonight with US Airlines I think. Its a little later but it will get you there.”

I nodded excitedly and said “Thats perfect!”

He smiled again (great customer service person, this guy, he had a very grandfatherly aura about him, normally strange old people slightly frighten me for reasons I dont know, but Ed became my new favorite person for then next hour) he told me “Go up to the customer service desk between gates C-1 and C-2, tell them Ed sent you to change your flight to the eight-o-clock departure.”

I was overjoyed! I thanked him and excitedly skipped off to the customer service desk, how had I missed it earlier!? I wound up being very glad I did because I was faced with another exhausted looking woman who typed stuff into her computer and said she could do nothing to help me because she could only switch me to a same airline flight as my missing my flight was not their fault. So I went back to find Ed again who very happily got to work on switching my flight and gave me full instructions as to what to do from there.

Go to “E-4, show them this ticket, if they ask where your bag is tell them its with Delta and you shouldnt have any problems... And get something to eat while you're at it, I bet you haven’t eaten since you got here, have you?”

He was right. I thanked him, then ran off to find a Taco Bell where I ordered a $2 meal deal... Only it was actually a $2.20 meal deal. The guy handed me a bag which I was slightly dismayed to see contained a container of nacho cheese, either they had gotten my order wrong or they hadnt felt like actually putting the nacho cheese in my burrito. I didnt complain, instead I ran off to find my gate where I was able to sit down and see that the nacho cheese actually went with the nachos I had been given in the place of a bag of Doritoes. Win!

And now here I am... Im not 100% sure where here is... Im snow about 95.9% sure that im somewhere in Minnesota... Either way, Im well fed and anxious to just get to Arizona where Im sure my mom will have a speech planned out about being more responsible. Fun stuff!

Deedee's Airport Adventure Part 1

I dont know exactly where I am right now. I could probably look at my ticket and see but it just seems like too much energy to waste right now.

While I had planned on sleeping during my flight, hence was the purpose of the almost all nighter I pulled last night, I was very disappointed to learn that there was a very slim chance of this happening when I boarded my plane to find that I was boxed in by small children. In my seat (which is what I noticed first) was an ethnic woman of some sort... Is ethnic the right word? Orient? Im not sure, she was Japanese or Korean Im pretty sure... Ive never met a Chinese person before though so maybe she was Chinese... But sometimes I like to pretend when its not incredibly important that I know how to tell the difference. I was friends with a Korean nymphomaniac (yes, I meant to say nymphomaniac and am perfectly aware of the meaning of the word, shes another story Ill save for another time) once and she got very angry when people thought she was Japanese. But thats a different story.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, woman of some sort of oriental decent. She had a small infant in her arms. This was alarming and disturbing to me for two reasons.
  1. She was in my seat. I had lucked into a window seat on this flight and had been excited for a nap without having my foot crushed.
  2. She was holding an infant which meant I needed to play my iPod loud so as to not hear the crying that was sure to happen. The baby also already smelled like he had soiled himself and I only hoped that this would be remedied somehow.
Then I noticed her husband/baby daddy sitting in front of me with another child (probably around four years old) sitting in the seat in front of what was supposed to be my seat.

Were I my mother, I would have said something about the fact that she had taken my seat but I decided I was too tired to care.

Then I noticed the seven year old behind me and another mother with infant across the isle.

It was already a bad day.

The infants, surprisingly, were not my biggest issue, only twice did both of them cry. And when one started to cry, the other did too. The oriental woman's method for calming her child was to make weird clicking noises at it which did not seem to help at all but make it worse if anything.

The child behind me wins the award for least problematic person around me.

After about ten minutes on the plane, I decided to try to sleep, partially because I was tired, and partially because the woman had pulled the shade down which only managed to irritate me more. But this proved difficult as the man in front of me moved around in his seat like a crazy person. I dont know what he was doing. Either he was,
a. Body slamming himself into the back of the seat just to make my life miserable for the entire plane ride.
b. Writing a very angry letter. or
c. Having a violent (yet not deadly) seizure all over the place.

Every time I would manage to get myself comfortable (or as comfortable as one can be trying to sleep with their forehead pressed against the seat in front of them.), he would body slam himself against the back of the seat. This is something I would have expected of the child, not a grown man.

The child diagonal from me began screaming “RAH!” at me from between the seats as I tried to sleep as the small infant began to kick me with the moose adorned foot of his footie pyjamas. When his father told him to stop yelling he got angry and started screaming in a language I didnt understand causing the parents to start scolding him in the same language.

What it sounded like to me was that the child was possessed and screaming in tongues as the parents were performing an exorcism in the devil's language. The mother began making her clicking noises again which I guess is her way of scolding her children. She needs a better method.

What if thats what was really happening you guys!? What if I was just witness to an in flight exorcism!? Im pretty sure that I did.

I was so relieved to get off the plane after what seemed like four hours since I only managed to drift in and out of consciousness while killing brain cells too, im sure, from the man slamming the seat back on my forehead. Even when I eventually put the tray down in front of me, there was no escape because he seemed determined now to not let me sleep, he began to lean back as far as he could every three minutes or so to make faces at the baby. The mother saw this, I know she did, and she did nothing to stop this cruel activity. I think the demon left the child and went into her. Even though she was very polite and sweet when she did talk to me, which was when she very nicely tapped me on the shoulder and asked very nicely if I could let her up to use the bathroom. It was obvious she doesnt speak much english... I think only five people on the plane actually did.

Now here I am safely away from the exorcist family and all small children. After an exciting tram train adventure that took me all over the air port. I've found my gate.

Although I dont know where I am exactly... Im about 95% sure im in Minnesota. But Im not about to stop someone and say “Excuse me, where the hell am I right now?”


People already think Im crazy before I even get a chance to speak.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Dee's Guide to Sleeping During Plane Rides

Because Im pulling an all-nighter!


Because I always intentionally deprive myself of sleep before any plane ride...  Im fidgety and grow easily bored with things too quickly, so there are only so many things that can keep me amused on a four hour plane ride across the country.

As I am a veteran to the art of flying (and I have been six times a year since I was twelve), I've come to find that the most logical thing I can do to occupy every minute of my time is sleep.

Which is nice...  Until the asshole in front of me decides to lean their seat back.  Theres a reason I avoid leaning my seat back, because
1. It doesnt go back very far anyway, and
2. Although it doesnt tilt back very far, it is far enough to squash the head of someone who has their seat tray out and is attempting to take a nap with their arms folded on top of the tray and makes it pretty much impossible to sleep that way the rest of the plane ride, you then have to hope you have a window seat because your only other hope for sleeping at least somewhat comfortably on a plane is to rest your head against the window.  Otherwise, youre stuck trying to sleep with your face on the seat in front of you or awkwardly sleeping sitting up...

Take note that if you fall asleep cross legged on an isle seat and your foot is out in the isle but resting on the side of the seat in front of you, your foot will get smushed.  And if you're like me, you wont even cry out in pain because you dont want everyone looking at you like you're a loonie!

The middle seat is just as bad as the isle seat, only you dont risk getting your foot smooshed.  However, you are typically seated between two strangers, one or both of them may want to sleep too.

Heres where my opinion of other people differs...

Sometimes I stay awake to talk to people next to me if I deem them interesting enough to further deprive myself of sleep to get to know them, this has been the case quite a few times when I was seated next to a cute boy...  like one time I saw Corpse Bride for the first time on a plane, it was his first time seeing it too.  We watched it together then talked about how awesome it was afterward.  And he was cute...  But also, maybe sive years older than me...  Maybe more...  he was in college and I was either a freshman or sophomore in high school at the time...

But Ill tell you something that bothers me.  I cant stand sitting in either the middle or isle seat when someone who has to pee every five minutes is sitting where they have to wake me up to get out.  My suggestion to those people with small bladders, for your sake and the sake of others in the same row as you, get an isle seat.  Please!!

Also, I get irritated when people immediately put the window shade down after choosing a window seat (in those flights that let you choose where you sit).  The whole point of the window seat (besides a comfier sleeping situation) is to look out the window while taking off and landing, for some at least.  I also cant stand when people block the window while theyre marveling over how high up they are, I know that when i sit by the window, I am considerate enough to lean back in my seat so that everyone else can enjoy the view.  Theres no reason to block everyone's view!!

I also dont like small children on air planes.  Babies are nice and all, but cant you, like, sedate them before putting them on a plane...?  No...?  Okay...  I mean, it was just a suggestion....

Basically, your only hope of having a semi comfortable plane ride is if you ride first class (which I have never had the luck of doing), or if you sit by a window...  The last few seats are always the best especially when on the flights that let you choose your seat, if its not a booked flight, you have a good chance of getting a whole row to yourself, or you'll at least have a seat between you and another person...  Which is nice too.

I've become a plane sleeping ninja over the years, honestly, I pass out as soon as were in the air, people probably think im narcoleptic...  Which I think may be possible sometimes...

Celebrities I do NOT look like

Thanks to Stumbleupon, I came across some software that morphs your face into a celebrity…  Basically it just tells you who you look like…  But for me, it fails.
I’ve been told before by the staff of two different FYEs that I look like Emma Stone (Only pudgier, but everyone is always too nice to add that part).  And all of my friends think I look like Jennifer Stone (her Role as Harper in Wizards of Waverly Place really helped that one since I dress like a weird person as she does in the show).  And yet I dont really particularly agree with any of these…  And I tried out a couple different pictures too…  And here are my incredibly inaccurate results.

 Rachel McAdams

Right!  I wish!  If I looked like her, I wouldnt have half the problems I have with my life because I would simply get through everything by saying “Bitch, Im effing gorgeous, fuck off!”  I mean, look at that and then take a look at me....  No...

Keira Knightly

You have got to be kidding me!  Thats just as bad as comparing me to Rachel, and according to this I look more like her than Rachel.  Although Im not entirely sure how to take it...  Because my Australian International Student friend said she was the most repulsive being on the planet...  Personally I wonder about his sanity and think that maybe it had something to do with the fact that hes not really into women...  But I dont know...

Lindsay Lohan

Well, ive heard it before…  At least it compared me to pre-drug and alcohol abuse Lindsay, you know, back when she was actually really pretty…  Seriously, I watch Just My Luck and I want to cry because of how unfair it is that she looks absolutely flawless in that movie.  Oh, and she met McFly…  And had sex with Danny, which I dont particularly care about…  But she had sex with Danny!!  I mean, I really dont care, but its one of those things you find out about and your like “Whaaaa!!??” because at the time she was my favorite actress and hes in my favorite band.  But yes.  Lindsay.  Nooo…

William Moseley!????

Ha!  Well, it was decided back when the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe came out that I was going to marry Peter…  Who is, of course, Sir William here.  At least hes a good looking guy. Im being compared to a good looking guy...  If Im going to be compared to a guy, id rather he be good looking.  But my nose is much nicer than his.  And his lips are bigger than mine.  This is how I know he and I could not really be married as I have tiny lips…  Can you imagine if I were to kiss him?  His lips are just too big in comparison to my tiny lips...  Though for genetics sake, maybe that would mean our children would have normal sized lips…  But it would also mean they could have average noses…  I have to make a decision between populating the world with normal lipped individuals, or individuals with fabulously perfect noses.  I choose the nose, I think. Because one day, my perfect nosed offspring will find significant others with perfect noses and large lips, they will then reproduce to make perfect nosed-average lipped children who will find someone with a decent nose and perfect lips.  If all turns out well the children will inherit perfect noses and perfect lips...  And so on down the line until my blood line ends in utter perfection!  Or not...  Sorry Will, I know you’re absolutely heartbroken, but we can never reproduce...

 David Hasselhoff!!!!??????

Now, this is the most disturbing of them all although I have to admit that this is the funniest effing thing of the entire day!  For multiple reasons.

1. Its David Hasselhoff!  For reasons none of us know, he makes an appearance in a lot of media.  For example, we see him in Dodgeball being made into a deity by the team that I think was…  German, right?  We see him on the TV in Gnomeo and Juliet.  In the background of Scotty’s nightmare in Eurotrip.  Hell, he even showed up in the Spongebob Squarepants Movie!!  And something about him is just hilarious!!  I dont think anyone knows why this former Baywatch lifeguard is something worth being flung into movies randomly to add humor, but he is.

2.  Cassie and I were (are?) married.  I always told her she would marry David Hasselhoff (its a really long story that ended with me posting pictures of him all over her facebook wall).  This means, I was right, because this kinda counts.  I win.
But god I hope thats not accurate.  He kinda scares the bajeesus out of me to be honest….

Really, I dont know what to think of my life after that last one...

Friday, December 16, 2011

Changed the name...

From "My Technicolor Heart" to "My Technicolour Heart" because, personally, Ive always loved the different spelling of Colour.  Even though my American spell check rejects it. 

I have a friend from the UK who has educated me over the years of the fancy spellings of things.  Because as an American, I believe that everything that can be found across the sea is fancy.  Everything from Jammie Dodgers to grammar is fancy to me...  I mean, the Queen's English is much prettier than this crappy way of speaking we have over here...  And its the Queen's english!  There is no greater lady that the Queen, you know ;)

My great uncle shot his children...

Before you get too excited, they were goats, which isnt much better, but in this case it wasnt legally murder or anything.

It was still terrible.  When his wife left he threatened to kill the kids (the goats) if she didnt come back.  You see, in my family, it is acceptable to look at goats as children the way some would do with a cat or dog...  And they even had to have their names on the family Christmas tree!  James Robert, and William Robert...  I remember having to silver sharpie them onto the little ornaments....  Yes, remember my family I told you about?  The ones that dont live in the trailers I told you about live on farms.

My uncle shot the children when his wife left them.

How messed up is that?

Sorry, that might have been a little depressing to some...  I figure I can tell stories that may explain why im so messed up...  Or not...

This is a post. And its my first.

Yes, my first post on blogspot.  Until this day, I used Tumblr...  Which I'll still use, actually, Ill likely be posting everything I post here to tumblr too...  But all the reblogging there and such, its just not ideal for someone who wants to actually have a legit blog.

So what does one write for their first post?  Its like opening up a new book, what do I want you all to know first?

So I suppose I could use this first post here to tell you a little bit about myself, yes?  That seems like a good place to start....

Well, my name is Destiny in the real world and I use my middle name (Marie) as my last name because I dont like my mom's last name or my dad's last name.  So I branched off and became my own section of both family trees.  Who knows, maybe Ill get married one day and like my husband's last name...  As I dont think he'd be fond of taking my name, what man would choose Marie as his last name?  Cant say Id blame him.

As for my location, I live Nowhere.  That, children, is what we call Ohio.  Honestly, when you think about how many astronauts are from Ohio, it makes you wonder what it is about Ohio that makes people want to flee the planet?  I live in a very awkward place between the city and Hillbilly Town... Im not entirely sure I would call it Hillbilly Town, I guess.  I mean, there might be some completely normal people who live there that I dont know about, but I know that I have family out there. They live in trailers in the woods which you have to drive down a muddy gravel road full of potholes to get to.  Their trailers are caked in mud on the days their kids decided to throw dirt chunks at it and the yard is littered with Little Tyke and Fisher Price toys, oh and the occasional health hazard and rusty car parts...  Even a few rusty old cars that will never run again...  Its a magical place where people hang dead things all over their living room walls and it always smells like soup.  Thats not really a stab at my family.  I love them all and they know it.  But its hard not to notice that quite a few of them have general disregard for dental hygiene, and a couple for overall hygiene...  How my mom became such a snob in a family like ours, Im not sure.  But I guess Im glad that I didnt grow up to be a straw hat wearing, shot gun wielding country girl with the family accent...  Well, sometimes I have the accent anyway but I cant shoot a gun very well.  When I worked at the restaurant (where most of my family has worked at some point in their life) my accent came out very heavily from overexposure to family members.  Its horrible.  My future husband is not allowed to meet them unless I know he really loves me.  Mr. Marie would go screaming in the other direction if exposed to them too long.

Well thats not totally fair.  I do have family members who are normal and okay to be exposed to society. And then theres my grandma who pretty much lives at one with nature.  Which is another reason why I love her.

As for me, you should be warned that its quite possible I have split personalities.  Im crazy, excitable, and completely random one moment, and the next im chill, Im deep, dark, and super serious.  And sometimes angry.  Its hard to know one minute to the next, its a gamble you take when you're around me.

Think thats about enough for now.  If I just went ahead and told you everything then there wouldnt be a point in reading anything after this, now would there?  No.  Stay tuned ;)