Sunday, January 8, 2012

My neighbor Totoro the drug dealer...

So this is the second post in a row Ive talked about a theory like this...  And...  Well at this point you might wonder what is it with me and thinking everyone is a drug dealer? I mean, maybe it could be because I live in a town where pretty much everyone is a drug dealer... Seriously, I lived through high school completely oblivious to how many drugs were actually floating around, partially because it didn't effect me in any way, and partially because I didn't really concern myself with other peoples choices. Anyway, on to what I originally set out to write about.

If youve never seen the movie "My Neighbor Totoro" you should probably just skip over this post because you won't have any idea what I'm talking about.

I've seen the movie thousands of times. I've even watched it sped up (which is a hilarious way to watch any anime movie). And recently, my friends and I have come to realize that the movie is NOT about two young girls who move to a new house and make a magical friend who ultimately leads them through a magical adventure and so on... It is actually about two little girls with Stockholm syndrome who are kidnapped and relocated to a safehouse out in the middle of nowhere where they end up caught in the middle of a drug war going on right in their own back yard.

The movie starts out with the two girls sitting in the back of a sketchy moving truck eating Carmel. They hide when they spot a man who they think is a cop.  First sign that something is up. Now, you would originally assume it is because they arent supposed to be sitting in the back of the truck, but thats not true!  They have obviously been trained to avoid the police because they are also kidnapped children and have been brain washed into thinking the sketchy man is their father.

The girls start seeing little spikey black things bouncing around the house when they get there and explore,  they also get ridiculously excited about discovering acorns around the house (and ill get to why that supports the theory in a minute). Lets not forget that they are surrounded by fields of what were told is rice...  But its not really...  Those a drugs too, by the way.  Enter Granny who is creepy as hell, she tells the girls they were just seeing "soot gremlins" and feeds them drug cake delivered by her creepy grandson, Kanta, who obviously has some problems, probably because he's a poor kidnapped child too. 

And I have to say that no matter how I try to look at it, theory or no theory, the bath scene really freaks me out...  I realize that in Japan and other places, that scene probably isnt weird in any way, shape, or form, but for me, its kinda weird.... I wont even get into all that.

Mei stumbles across the Totoro drug scandal while playing by herself in the back yard. She follows two of them carrying a large bag of Totoro Crack (AkA acorns) into the woods to their secret tree base where she meets the drug lord Totoro himself.

Now let's pause right there and think for a minute what kind of creature is Totoro anyway? I mean, he's obviously a magical creature...  I think  I'd place him in the category of bunny-sloth-racoon-owl-bear-cat... Although I was recently informed that "Totoro" is actually Mei's mispronunciation of "Torōru" which, Im told is Japanese for "Troll" so perhaps Totoro is some weird troll beast?  But why would he be so fluffy and cute?  Well, I'll get to that in a minute...

Anyway, this creature is GINORMOUS! And Mei just walks over and wakes up this giant, potentially vicious creature that could easily swallow her whole. But he doesn't because he's obviously high on Totoro crack and doesn't think to. So Mei decides it would be a good idea to just fall asleep on his stomach, but you can't really blame the child who has been through such traumatic experiences as she has, all she knows is there's a giant bunny creature in the world and she's gonna take a nap in it... And hell, he does look really comfy. She falls asleep just long enough for the Totoro minions to carry her out and hide the secret passage shed followed them into and so she is unable to show her sister and sketchy father where she found him. 

And the father, I almost forgot to mention, is actually a powerful drug lord himself, he oversees the production of all the crack rice being grown in the fields around his house and brought the girls there in order to find Totoro and steal his acorn stash...  Maybe Totoro has a weak spot for children?  Or maybe hes a creepy molester, we dont know.  Either way, my friends and I have agreed that it is entirely possible that the girls could be pawns in some crazy drug war. 

Which links them to our old friend Sally out on the sea shore...  Could they all be involved in the same crazy scheme?

Later on, while the girls wait for their "father" at the bus stop, Totoro makes his second appearance. He probably intended to murder the girls, or maybe just warn them to keep their mouths shut since Mei had been telling everyone about him, maybe hes even stalking them, but, yet again, he's high on Totoro crack. He even forgot his umbrella, or what an umbrella even is for that matter. After amusing himself by the wonders of the umbrella (which is quite possibly the best part of the whole movie), he gives Satsuki a little package and then boards a giant cat bus stealing their spare umbrella.

Red light! This is where the whole theory was born. Everyone knows that if someone gives you a bag or a package at a bus stop, it's probably drugs. Seriously, I can probably find old cartoons that teach you never to take packages from strangers at bus stops...  Or anywhere for that matter...  But especially bus stops because thats where all the creepers hang out after dark...  Or so Im told...  And this is no exception, the girls are now involved in the great Totoro crack business and they plant the acorns in the back yard where Totoro comes one night to make them grow and then kidnap them both to complete an initiation ritual up in the trees where the girls have their first taste of Totoro crack and are stuck forever.  The next morning, the trees are gone.  Obviously, Totoro had to get rid of the GIANT crack trees growing in the back yard.

Fast foreword to Mae getting lost. Obviously Totoro had to look out for his new minion, so he shows up to save the day and they deliver Granny's crazy poisoned corn which will assure that their mother will stay in the hospital longer.  Oh yeah, about the mother.  Ive been told she supposedly has tuberculosis...  But thats just not true in this theory.  She is actually in rehab and sold her children for crack rice...  But they're still kidnap victims because they were kidnapped from their grandparents who took them in because their mother was out on the streets eating rice all the time.

Of course, the big uproar about Mei being lost brought in unwanted attention, so Granny drowned another child in the pond and passed her off as the missing child in order to avoid Mei being discovered.  Seriously, even before this theory I wondered about all that, I mean, whos shoe was it then?  Maybe some other child is dead out in the water!!

What eventually happens after the movie?  Well, in the end credits, we see the girl's mother coming home from the hospital cough-rehab-cough and the girls playing with the other children in the town.  Totoro has, at this point, has had more children recruited for his drug plot.  There is a sequel called "Mei and the Kitten Bus" which I havent seen yet, but I assume this must be an adventure had by Mei after having too many acorns...  The girls grow into teenagers, Totoro kills their father and takes over the production of crack rice.  Satsuki and mei are then recruited to work for Totoro and become highly addicted to acorns and rice just like their mother, who is put back in rehab.  But Satsuki is saved by the neighbor boy, Kanta, who helps her escape and takes her somewhere far from Totoro and the dark country side.  She eventually recovers from her addiction and returns to take Mei away too.  Totoro doesnt like that.  He has them both locked away inside their childhood house.  Satsuki sets a large fire and escapes with Mei and the rest of the slave children, leaving the whole village to burn along with all the acorns, rice, and Totoro himself.

Mei finishes her teen years in a normal manner but never fully recovers from her past as a drug slave child, she is checked into the psych ward for short periods of time here and there when it all becomes too much for her. As for Satsuki, she marries Kanta and together they open a rehab center.  They cant have children, though, because of complications caused by all the acorns and rice put in their system as children.  Instead they buy a large old hotel which they convert into a house and adopt all of the remaining children who escaped with Satsuki from the forest the day it all burned.

Everyone still live happily ever after!!

After this theory was born, I've thought about it, and I think the movie is told in the way the girls see it rather than the way it actually happened, theres a picture floating around there that pretty much perfectly depicts the reality of what happened. now, for more explaining!  Cant you tell Im bored?

What Mei and Satsuki see

Reality (original)
Their vision of reality is warped, a way to protect themselves from any further mental damage.  They see Totoro as a fluffy and cute bunny creature but in reality, he is a vicious troll thing that will freakin eat you!  Its kind of the same basic concept as the Little Sisters in the Bioshock games.

Yeah, not the cute family story that you thought it was, huh?  Okay, I know its really crazy and has a lot of holes, but anyone who knows me and these said friends would expect nothing less of us, especially when its four in the morning and we've had WAY too much caffeine.  Also, I needed something to write about to occupy my time ;)

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